... will never lead me astray, unless I ignore it. I have realized this with a session I had with Woody a couple of weeks ago. I had had a really bad day at school, because I'm having to prepare myself to leave the environment and people that I have actively been a part of for four years. Anyways, when I came home from school, I went out to the horses thinking, "A nice ride around the field would really be calming and nice." So, I haltered Woody, played with him for a couple of minutes (trying to ignore the resistance he was showing), and hopped on his back. After he sat there for a minute, he started trotting off to the round pen, and I was trying to one-rein stop him. That didn't work until we had reached the round pen, and then we sat for a minute or two, and I tried to regain my leadership and poise. Then, I decided it would be a good idea to do Follow the Rail to get him to listen to me, so we proceeded down the rail. When we got to the hill on the other side of the pasture and it was time to descend, I made sure he was close to the rail so tat if he would start trotting (which he likes to do down hills), I could turn him into the rail and all would be well. You can probably see where this story is going, and, yes, he did start trotting, and, no, I did not turn him into the rail to stop him. As a matter of fact, I couldn't get the momentum/leverage/whatever the science terminology is for getting a turn effectively. He began to canter, and, when Woody canters I think it is important to know that he likes to jump down the hill doing moves that one would see in The Nutcracker. I tried to find the power position in the front of his withers, and I think I found it, but by the bottom of the hill I was pretty much riding his neck. When we reached the bottom, I fell off in front/to the side of him, and hit my hip. No broken bones, but a fair sized scrape on my side. Needless to say that was pretty much a BAD DAY.
Following the fall, after I recovered from a cry-fest (yeah, I definitely need to improve my emotional fitness), I stood up and walked Woody up to the barn. He stood still while I untacked him, and I brushed him a little bit, and did a little Porcupine to end on a semi-good note. I went inside and talked with my mom. I felt terrible for not listening to the loud and clear signs that Woody was giving me to tell me HE WAS NOT READY. I felt like I had really let him down as a leader, and I just felt awful because I felt like I'm supposed to be above that and know more than what I exhibited in that episode. Just sitting here writing about it brings back that awful feeling and makes me want to cry again. I need more emotional fitness, to not go to work with or ESPECIALLY ride my horse when I am not going to be focused, and to LISTEN to him and put the relationship first.
The day after this I went out and gave Woody his spring cleaning. I got him all gorgeous and white, clipped his bridle path, and cut his mane a bit. He looks much better.
However, I have not had a real session since that bad one. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. Whenever I think about going out there and working with him, I draw a blank on what to do. I feel like I can't ride him because I don't have leadership on his back, and don't know how to get it. I really just have been struggling with the homeschooling plan for next year and having the horses be my focus because its going to be SO different than how it is now. I have been praying about it and I truly believe this is the plan that God has laid before me, and I know the path of the Lord is very often difficult, as I'm sure that it will be next year. I am looking forward to more time being devoted to my studies, but I am also intimidated because I am going to try to find the career path meant for me. I am having mixed feelings, as you can tell, and when episodes like this happen, it makes me question. But I have faith both in the Lord for giving me these circumstances and challenges, and also in the path before me. I know that if I try hard now, I will succeed later (hopefully not much later). This was pretty much a ramble, and sorry about the length but I needed to vent and explain my feelings because this blog is here to record my ups and my downs. If anyone has any words of encouragement or support, it would be much appreciated.
~Eden
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3 comments:
Sorry to hear you had a bad day! But don't worry about it. Bad days happen, and they'll keep happening, but you just gotta learn to put them behind you. Last week, my mare was having awful RBI fits, as was I, and I was having those 'I should just sell her!' thoughts. Well, I ignored them, because I love my horse, even if she is not perfect.
Yesterday, we were doing canter stick-to-me, driving with two reins on the 45 ft line, sideways towards, and backing from the tail. It's not that I improved my horsemanship over the matter of a week, I just stuck with my mare and didn't give up, even when things might have been easier that way.
A friend of mine talked to Linda about bad thoughts and Linda's advice was to say to yourself, over and over and over and over, 'I do NOT have time to think about this.' Really though, you don't. You could use that time to think of savvy ways to be a better horseman :)
As far as becoming a leader on your horse's back -- I saw a SC article about this a while ago. I'll try to find it if I can. But what you want to do is a ride A LOT. There's an old saying, 'Good horses are made with wet saddle pads'. It's totally true. You can do all the groundwork in the world but sometimes you just gotta get up there and ride. Groundwork is important though, don't get me wrong, but if there's problems you have in the saddle, and only in the saddle, then...you gotta solve them in the saddle!
Also, you need to ride with a purpose. Easier said than done. But give yourself a challenge. How smooth can you get your transitions? How small/big can you get your circles? How fast can you stop from a walk, trot, etc? Transitions and circles, figure 8s, serpentines, lines, etc. are great. Obstacles aren't necessary but if you have a good idea with them, use it.
I hope I helped you out some (: But most of all, don't worry about things that don't need worrying about.
Good luck with everything!
Sarah
Hey Eden,
Your self reflection and honesty are great assets for you. Thanks for sharing with us!
Sarah is right -- "you just gotta learn to put them (bad days) behind you". Not just to forget what happened and feel better, but to retain the knowledge so that you can do better the next time. You have to forgive yourself so you can move forward!
You said "I felt like I'm supposed to be above that". Tough thoughts, because none of us are above that, (at least not all of the time).
You are learning to flex your emotional fitness muscle - and it takes many repetitions to create that habit and skill. You are well on your way!
Be kind to yourself, and try to be as forgiving to yourself as Woody is :-)
Hi Eden,
I'm sorry you had a miserable day! It sounds like you had a great learning experience though and Woody loves you. Hang in there! Most journeys can be bumpy, but well worth the ride. *hugs* Eve
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